Me, My DVR & Raw (10/22/12)

In what may be a regular column, the author uses his DVR to condense WWE Raw into an efficient, digestible television program. Segments are graded simply, as "nothing" or "something". The more "something", the better for all of us.

Welcome to the last Raw before Hell In A Cell, a pay per view I think would be more accurately referred to as, "How Will WWE Get Itself Out Of This One?"

8:28PM - DVR ENGAGE!

Segment 1/2 - Getting straight to business. CarSterio v. Rhodes Scholars. Hardcore wrestling fans love this decision. Casual fans are checking to see if the debate has started. Teaming with Rey has done so much for Sin Cara. That springboard moonshot onto Sandow was a beauty. Love Sandow's style in the ring. Also, his break-up of the referee's count was brilliant. Cross Rhodes finishes. Handshake Into Cartwheel Celebration! That could be the spot of the night. Something! (x2)

Segment 3 - Matches! Nothing but matches! Kofi Kingston beats Michael McGillicutty. Miz and his six stitches are working guest commentary. Miz is generously looking out for Ryback ahead of his big match Sunday, and wants to call off their meeting later tonight. What a sportsman. Miz' self-aggrandizing is nearing Kim Jong-il levels. Nothing.

Segment 4 - Cena. He has no match Sunday. He has no point. He has no purpose on in this segment. I'm starting to think that that worst thing happening to Ryback right now is Cena singing his praises. Punk and Heyman come out, but do (you guessed it) nothing.

Segment 5 - Last week, Antonio Cessaro survived Justin Gabriel's 450 in a victory. In the rematch tonight THE CLOSER gets it done. I'm confused. Nothing.

Segment 6 - A monster of a segment, and the developments are quick and plentiful. Mr. McMahon and A.J. Lee are in the ring. The visual is immediately creepy. She's accused of fraternizing with someone on the roster and RESIGNS AS RAW G.M. The WWE brass didn't pick up this tendency in the background check? A.J. gives a lovely farewell address. "You guys accepted me." That's the power of the fans. Never forget it. Enter Heyman, to undercut peace talks between New York and New Jersey. I love Vince's facial expressions, especially when people are kissing up to him. Heyman wants the G.M. job. Vince says no. In fact, there is no G.M. for now. Instead, there's a managing supervisor of Raw. BUREAUCRACY! Vickie Guerrero gets the gig! The most heinous structure in WWE is not Hell In A Cell. It's the revolving door. Heyman instantly flips from kissing up to Vince, to kissing up to Vickie. In return, she makes a CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION lumberjack match between Punk and Sheamus for tonight's main event. Heyman nearly faints from the overbooking. Vickie turns to A.J. and starts spilling the dirt on the alleged fraternizing. AFFAIR! With who?! A.J. goes after Vickie. CAT FIGHT! This segment should get triple credit, but that would make things too complicated for me when dealing with the awful segments we get every week. Suffice it to say, SOMETHING!

Segment 7 - Ryback beats The Miz. Nothing.

Segment 8 - Eve is running down the possible A.J. affair suspects. "Primo of all people." Is nothing sacred in the WWE locker room? Kaitlyn sets Eve straight by tossing her into the snack table. Layla fails as peacekeeper. Sheamus peddles a stuffed toy. Nothing.

DVR paused while I make a quick run to McDonald's. I ask the drive-thru worker if they still have the Rolo McFlurry. She says yes. I order two. I even see my order correct on the screen. I receive two Oreo McFlurry. WTF?

Segment 9/10 - Daniel Bryan v. Dolph Ziggler. Fans say, "This is awesome!". Dolph connects with a Super X-Factor from the top rope. Kane starts a "Yes!" chant at the worst possible time and Ziggler gets the win. A fine match, but in the grand scheme...nothing.

Segment 11 - The Newly Tagged Game. This is your 10PM segment, and I do not have high hopes. Bryan's skills at turning total crap into entertainment is astonishing. Kane takes the absurdity to new levels, falsely confessing his love for puppies and rainbows. Rhodes Scholars refuse to take part in this. Thank God. "You're welcome" -Damien Sandow, who once again commits character suicide by wearing a t-shirt. Nothing.

Segment 12 - Big Show beats Kane with the KO Punch. Rhodes Scholars jump Bryan while Kane is knocked out. Sensible story telling! Backstage, Santino metaphorically jobs to Cena. Turns out Cena's the one A.J. allegedly had the affair with. Cena says it was just a BUSINESS DINNER! They hug. Crowd buzzes. Too soon? Something.

Segment 13 - Cena confronts Vince, who says there's INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE! Del Rio v. Ryder is FF cityyyyyyyy. Post-match, Cena drops in on Vickie's office. John is cramming a TON of investigation into an hour of television. The actions of a desperate man? Cena metaphorically jobs to Vickie in this backstage confrontation. Something!

Segment 14 - Dolph on A.J., "I always thought she was a good egg." Otherwise, your weekly worthless segment of nothing during the 10PM hour.

10:41PM - Even with the McDonald's run, I am caught up and WE ARE LIVE!

Segment 15/16 - CM Punk v. Sheamus in a champion vs. champion largest lumberjack match in Raw history. Big Show interferes. Hell, just about everyone interferes, but Big Show's interference is actually effective. Punk wins. Nothing.

"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 5:10 (Last Week - 8:7)

The match for the WWE Championship at Hell In A Cell remains intact. It's CM Punk vs. Ryback. It's Punk's 300+ day reign as champion vs. Ryback's undefeated streak. It's WWE's problem now, and all we have to do is watch.

Spare Thoughts: What If Ryback Wins?

Ryback is in the right place at the right time.

Due to the apparent lingering effects of John Cena's recent surgery, Ryback will be in the main event at the upcoming Hell In A Cell pay per view with a shot at winning the WWE Championship.

World Wrestling Entertainment is in quite a predicament. If the match goes on as scheduled, the powers that be in the company will have to choose between Ryback's undefeated streak and CM Punk's 300+ day reign as WWE Champion. If there's a third door, I don't see it right now.

As far as I'm concerned, the big question isn't "Will Ryback Win?" as much as it is "What happens next if Ryback wins?". You'd assume there would be the inevitable rematch with Punk, but what happens beyond that would be even more interesting, and perhaps problematic for WWE.

Royal Rumble is little more than three months away, on January 27, 2013. The Rock is scheduled to compete for the WWE Championship on that night. Ryback as WWE Champion, would be almost immediately on a collision course with The People's Champion.

If Ryback gets through Royal Rumble 2013 as WWE Champion, things get even more interesting. Now, he's in one of the top matches at WrestleMania XXIX, and I think I know who his opponent should be: Brock Lesnar.

This would do little to end the comparison between Ryback and Goldberg, but it seems to be the most logical outcome for Ryback's reign as WWE Champion. Lesnar's expiring contract makes him perfect cannon-fodder for someone who could become a main event performer for years.

One nice thing about a Ryback v. Rock match at Royal Rumble 2013 is the fact that it frees up other headliners to be in the Royal Rumble match itself. The list of competitors would be star-studded: John Cena, CM Punk, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. Add in Lesnar and perhaps even The Undertaker and you have the makings of something special. Then, have Lesnar win.

Have him eliminate Cena to polish the one blemish on his record since his return to WWE. I think Lesnar would be as feared as ever, and a worthy opponent for the undefeated Ryback. The top of the WrestleMania XXIX card would look just fine with CM Punk vs. The Rock and John Cena vs. The Undertaker as the other headlining matches.

Like I said, WWE has put itself in a tough spot going into Hell In A Cell. If those in charge do pull the trigger on a championship reign for Ryback, they'd had better understand where that decision could lead.

Me, My DVR & Raw (10/15/12)

In what may be a regular column, the author uses his DVR to condense WWE Raw into an efficient, digestible television program. Segments are graded simply, as "nothing" or "something". The more "something", the better for all of us.

10:10 p.m. - Late start tonight. DVR ENGAGE!

Segment 1 - Big Show opens Raw. He's really good here, working himself into a lather over Sheamus, and tweets from fans. "None of you are Irish! Don't tweet me 'Fella'!" I am baffled, until he calls out Daniel Bryan. The viewer is then subjected to potentially the most pointless, unnecessary, heat-killing backstage segment in history. Somehow Bryan makes it work, presumably because he's awesome. Something!

Segment 2 - Big Show choke slams Daniel Bryan for the win. Kane saves his partner from further damage. Then, they argue. Crowd is crazy for just about all of this. Something!

Segment 3 - It's nothing but all-stars at the top of Raw tonight. Paul Heyman and CM Punk tease the audience, but reveal nothing. Vince McMahon enters to make the bait and switch official. HIAC opponent will be announced at the end of the show. Nothing.

Segment 4 - Alberto Del Rio without his entrance. What's the point? Match against Brodus Clay is FF city. Backstage, Punk asks Heyman who Vince McMahon thinks he is. Paul replies, "He thinks he's Vince McMahon." Fact! Nothing.

Segment 5 - Prime Time Players beat CoBro. Post-match attack by EnCorre! Or is it The Band? Heath Slater dubs himself, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre "3MB". Jinder's turban and leather jacket combo is better than anyone expected. Nothing.

Segment 6 - Dolph Ziggler. David Otunga...for some reason. Here's Ryback to kill them both. Dolph wisely leaves. Otunga...for THAT reason. Nothing.

Segment 7 - "Antonio Cessaro doesn't need United States of America. United States of America need Antonio Cessaro." Swoon. JR coins the term "zebra manipulation". Antonio somehow survives Justin Gabriel's 450, and kills him dead with Super Euro Uppercut and THE NEUTRALIZER! Last week, I FF'd. This week, I couldn't. You've won my heart, Antonio Cessaro. This is the U.S. Title reign you've all been begging for. Something!

Segment 8 - Kane eviscerates Matt Striker. Then, he conducts a post-match interview with Striker's unconscious body. You win, Big Red. Something!

Segment 9 - Miz TV with Korporate Kofi. Miz is really good here running down Kingston. Secondary champions! Something!

Segment 10/11 - Sheamus v. Wade Barrett: The Rematch. Barrett's awesome spot with the steel steps from last week is countered this week by Sheamus. Barrett jaws at JR at the announce position. Ross is out of his coma and gushing over Barrett the rest of the way, "You talk about being in destroy mode. He's there." DQ finish is no big deal. These two guys were made for one another. Get them on PPV ASAP! Something!

Segment 12 - Eve v. Layla. FF cityyyyyy. Nothing but pretty girls.

Segment 13 - Your weekly zero action segment. Nothing.

Segment 14 - 3MB hit the town in Nashville. Rhodes Scholars beat Primo and Epico because Rey Mysterio is ill. Nothing.

Segment 15 - Kofi and Miz have a pretty good match that ends in a thunderous Trouble In Paradise that appeared to legitimately knock out The Miz. Absolutely clobbered. Sucks for Miz, but crowd loved the finish. Something!

Segment 16 - Punk and Vince in the same ring are magical. John Cena tries to ruin the main event segment, but fails. Vince chooses Ryback. Something!

12:12 a.m. - DVR viewing COMPLETE!

"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 8:7

Certainly felt like one of the more eventful episodes of Raw in some time, but you have to be a bit concerned about the string of worthless segments in the third hour. This Raw had a different feel. Not sure if it's just me, or the result of the creative shake-up that made news last week.

#FiftyMatches: Hulk Hogan's Road To Redemption

The Rock v. Hollywood Hulk Hogan

WrestleMania X8
March 17, 2002

2002 Pro Wrestling Illustrated Match of the Year

"That was a match for the ages." -Jim Ross

On July 9, 2000, Hulk Hogan was humiliated, disgraced and forced out of World Championship Wrestling.

Less than two years later, he was headlining WrestleMania X8.