Should we all be resigned to the fact that the main event of WrestleMania XXIX will be rematch between The Rock and John Cena for the WWE Championship? It appears that is the endgame being laid out as we approach the Royal Rumble. Where does that leave some of the other top stars? Here's some predictions following the first Raw of 2013.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
#FiftyMatches - The Rock Goes Hollywood
July 21, 2002
The Undertaker v. The Rock v. Kurt Angle
WWE Undisputed Championship
Vengeance 2002
"The most awesome triple threat match I've ever seen in my life!" -Jim RossOn April 19, 2002 the first movie to feature The Rock in a starring role arrived in theaters.
And the people came.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Spare Thoughts: Tragedies And Legacies
Javon Belcher was an NFL linebacker, so unremarkable many fans of the game didn't know his name.
Until now.
Chris Benoit was the greatest technical professional wrestler of his generation, but few outside the industry and the WWE's influence knew who he was. Then, came the double murder-suicide that destroyed a family, changed professional wrestling and tore down what was once a sterling legacy.
How we remember Chris Benoit and Javon Belcher is no longer in the hands of the fans who closely followed their careers; those who saw the good times. Now, their legacies are shaped by countless people. Journalists and writers. Everyday people with whom we share our thoughts and opinions.
Just about everyone thinks they already have the story figured out.
There's always a rush to judgement in the wake tragedies such as these, but there's something different when it comes to Javon Belcher. It's even more apparent when compared to the Benoit tragedy just over five years ago.
WWE has done everything short of erasing Chris Benoit from its history. His name is never spoken on its television programs. It's rare that one of his matches appears on a DVD. Once the circumstances and realities of that horrific scene outside Atlanta, Georgia became apparent, WWE was done with Chris Benoit. It all played out in a matter of days.
In The Arrowhead Stadium locker room Sunday, Javon Belcher's uniform and helmet were still hanging in his locker after the Chiefs' emotional win over the Carolina Panthers. Players tried to express their feelings about their teammate, but in most cases words failed them. These are men who called Belcher their friend; their brother. Just as Chris Jericho and others called Benoit their friend as they tried to reconcile their emotions on cable news network talk shows.
Some networks and news outlets have been criticized for how they've responded to the Belcher tragedy. They've been accused of forgetting the real victims, the murdered girlfriend and the infant daughter left without her parents. There have been makeshift memorials in Belcher's memory. I have to admit. It's all a bit unsettling.
Perhaps you've heard the whispers about Javon Belcher's medical history. It appears head injuries were not an issue for him. The Kansas City Chiefs chairman was quoted by the New York Post.
This is a good thing, isn't it? People are willing to consider the possibility that Javon Belcher's terrible acts may not have been his own. They could have been caused by brain damage or related mental illness. What a huge step forward this is from the knee-jerk reaction to the Benoit tragedy.
The hero turned villain of professional wrestling never received that due process. Even among his most die-hard fans, there are many who never want to hear Chris Benoit's name again, or see one of his matches because of the terrible tragedy that ended the lives of him and his family.
The uncomfortable truth for those people is that Chris Benoit was sick.
Whether Javon Belcher's actions can be attributed to brain damage incurred by his career in professional football is irrelevant. What matters is that people are willing to consider the possibility. Their minds have been opened to the compounding toll of the violent collisions that make up many of our most popular sports.
Until now.
Chris Benoit was the greatest technical professional wrestler of his generation, but few outside the industry and the WWE's influence knew who he was. Then, came the double murder-suicide that destroyed a family, changed professional wrestling and tore down what was once a sterling legacy.
How we remember Chris Benoit and Javon Belcher is no longer in the hands of the fans who closely followed their careers; those who saw the good times. Now, their legacies are shaped by countless people. Journalists and writers. Everyday people with whom we share our thoughts and opinions.
Just about everyone thinks they already have the story figured out.
There's always a rush to judgement in the wake tragedies such as these, but there's something different when it comes to Javon Belcher. It's even more apparent when compared to the Benoit tragedy just over five years ago.
WWE has done everything short of erasing Chris Benoit from its history. His name is never spoken on its television programs. It's rare that one of his matches appears on a DVD. Once the circumstances and realities of that horrific scene outside Atlanta, Georgia became apparent, WWE was done with Chris Benoit. It all played out in a matter of days.
In The Arrowhead Stadium locker room Sunday, Javon Belcher's uniform and helmet were still hanging in his locker after the Chiefs' emotional win over the Carolina Panthers. Players tried to express their feelings about their teammate, but in most cases words failed them. These are men who called Belcher their friend; their brother. Just as Chris Jericho and others called Benoit their friend as they tried to reconcile their emotions on cable news network talk shows.
Some networks and news outlets have been criticized for how they've responded to the Belcher tragedy. They've been accused of forgetting the real victims, the murdered girlfriend and the infant daughter left without her parents. There have been makeshift memorials in Belcher's memory. I have to admit. It's all a bit unsettling.
Perhaps you've heard the whispers about Javon Belcher's medical history. It appears head injuries were not an issue for him. The Kansas City Chiefs chairman was quoted by the New York Post.
Chiefs chairman Clark Hunt said today that Belcher was "a player who had not had a long concussion history.’’However, by some accounts, Belcher had been acting strangely recently. At least that's what one of his friends told Deadspin in the days following the murder-suicide.
Belcher "was dazed and was suffering from short-term memory loss. He could not remember the events that had taken place prior to that gameThis is nothing new. It's a story we've heard repeated following the sudden and sometimes tragic deaths of other professional athletes. It's the story of Chris Benoit in the years, months and weeks before he murdered his wife and son before taking his own life. Not many are interested in that side of Benoit's story, but in Belcher's case they're ready to listen.
This is a good thing, isn't it? People are willing to consider the possibility that Javon Belcher's terrible acts may not have been his own. They could have been caused by brain damage or related mental illness. What a huge step forward this is from the knee-jerk reaction to the Benoit tragedy.
The hero turned villain of professional wrestling never received that due process. Even among his most die-hard fans, there are many who never want to hear Chris Benoit's name again, or see one of his matches because of the terrible tragedy that ended the lives of him and his family.
The uncomfortable truth for those people is that Chris Benoit was sick.
Experts believe that CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) may have been a cause or contributing factor in the Benoit tragedy.Benoit had suffered severe brain damage during a decades long career in professional wrestling. Entertaining you. His brain was studied. The conclusions are in black and white, but even at this moment some are shaking their heads while reading this because they refuse to accept that reality. The terrible actions that came at the end of Chris Benoit's life were not his own.
Whether Javon Belcher's actions can be attributed to brain damage incurred by his career in professional football is irrelevant. What matters is that people are willing to consider the possibility. Their minds have been opened to the compounding toll of the violent collisions that make up many of our most popular sports.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Me, My DVR & Raw (11/5/12)
In what may be a regular column, the author uses his DVR to condense WWE Raw into an efficient, digestible television program. Segments are graded simply, as "nothing" or "something". The more "something", the better for all of us.
8:41PM - DVR ENGAGE!
Segment 1 - First, it must be said. What in the blue hell is up with this voice-over guy? Am I watching a special two-part episode of "A-Team"? I declare this DUMB. Somehow, they also sneak in a backstage segment in which, out of the blue, The Miz quits Team Punk. I guess that technically makes this Something! We are not off to a good start. Opening match is CarSterio & R-Truth v. Antonio Cesaro & Prime Time Players. Truth translating "get got" into various foreign languages makes for a solid Tout.
Segment 2 - Sin Cara not looking very crisp tonight. Meanwhile, Titus O'Neil looks great. R-Truth debuts a suplex into a stunner that looked cool. He pins Cesaro, presumably to set up a U.S. Title match at Survivor Series. Looks like the hostilities between the tag teams aren't over either. Story lines are advancing, so I must declare this segment Something!
Segment 3 - The King returns next Monday. You can hate on WWE for promoting it, but television is a business, November is probably the most crucial month for ratings and Lawler's return is something viewers will want to see. We are now into the weekly 8:30 p.m. "Monday Night Football Killer" segment. Here's Vicki to discuss the Cena/AJ SCANDAL. "Hanky panky is not allowed." Here's John Cena. This is a good time to point out that Raw is in Birmingham, England tonight. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" -England. Vicki unveils new surveillance video! It probably wouldn't stand up in court, but fans already decided last week that Cena's guilty, so this whole exercise is pretty pointless. England hates Cena, but they love AJ. She shows up on the tron to threaten Vicki. Dolph slides in to hit on her. Cena scurries away, once again metaphorically jobbing to Vicki. Evil laugh for the win! It was busy, but in the end this was Nothing.
Segment 4 - England loves Wade Barrett. He joins Team Punk, telling Heyman, "You owe me, and I want that in writing." Pretty vague for a binding contract, I think. Something! Daniel Bryan gets probably the loudest ovation of the night for his entrance. This man is WWE's top star. Too bad he's stuck in a tag team with no end in sight. There's a short match with Cody Rhodes, which Rhodes wins with a little interference from Damien Sandow. That was...brief. Cody's gimmick continues to be that he is a complete moron, because he accidentally makes a match for his tag team partner...
Segment 5 - Kane vs. Damien Sandow. Bryan and Rhodes get ejected. Kane eviscerates Sandow. Pretty lame week for Team Friendship. Nothing.
Segment 6 - Time to explain yourself, Brad Maddox. I appreciate him coming out in street clothes. I was worried he'd still be in a referee's shirt. Maddox does a very good job here on the microphone. There are plenty of guys with a lot more experience who've blown similar opportunities. Maddox did not blow his shot here. In fact, he was pretty damn good. He says he wasn't working for Punk and Heyman when he screwed Ryback. He really wants to be a WWE superstar. He worked so hard for a developmental contract. "You can't wrestle!" -England. Jerks. Maddox was told he'd never make it, but he wouldn't quit and became a referee. He knew he just needed one chance to make an impact. Now, he's famous. Can't argue with any of this. I like the direction WWE took this, and as I said, Maddox did a real good job. He says he wants a contract and a match with Ryback. He then caps things off with the potentially embryonic catchphrase, "Thank youuuuu." Vince McMahon comes out. Says he thinks Maddox is lying. He also says he'll give him a $1 million contract if he beats Ryback next week. Enter Vicki. Vince second guesses just about every decision she's made as Interim Managing General Whatever. Is he rebooking Survivor Series on the fly? We're now getting CM Punk vs. Ryback vs. (whisper) John Cena for the WWE Championship. "Disarray" is the word Cole chooses to describe all this. I think that's pretty accurate. Something!
Segment 7/8 - The Miz gets a decent showing against Sheamus, but eventually is beaten by the Brogue Kick. Big Show's guest commentary was a pleasant distraction, as he threatened to punch out Cole and gave a lesson on big man/little man psychology in professional wrestling. Backstage, the Survivor Series heel team is rebranded Team Ziggler, and the WWE Champion is seen for the first time tonight. It's 9:30 p.m. Vince makes Punk/Dolph vs. Cena/Ryback for tonight's main event. A little Nothing (for Segment 7), a little Something! (for Segment 8)
Segment 9 - Fandangoo? Alrighty. Nothing.
Segment 10 - Divas. FF cityyyyyyyy. Nothing but pretty girls.
9:53PM - WE ARE LIVE!
Segment 11 - Kofi vs. Del Rio. Orton distracts. Kofi rolls up ADR for the win. RKO after the match...just for fun. Nothing.
Segment 12 - Team CoBro vs. Primo & Epico. Cobra. Done. Nothing.
Segment 13 - Brodus Clay vs. Wade Barrett. KILL WADE! KILL! Souvenir. Swoon. Nothing.
Segment 14 - Time for 3MB, but Drew McIntyre is nowhere to be seen. Jinder Mahal is COMMITTED to the turban and leather combo, and I thank him for that. Slater uses the Impaler DDT to beat Jey Uso. It's dubbed the Smash Hit. "Thank you Birmingham!!!" Nothing.
Segment 15 - Punk talks. 351 days if you still care. Nothing.
Segment 16 - Main event time. Cena gets kicked around for a while. Finally tags Ryback, and it's DONE. Punk is pinned. England loves this. Cena and Ryback stare down to end the show. Guess who the crowd chooses? Nothing.
"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 5:11
Tonight's Raw is a perfect example of what's been going wrong since it expanded to three hours. No, it's not the three hours. It's the complete lack of eventful content past around the midway point of the show. I know WWE wants to hook people early, but what's the point if there's NOTHING worth staying for? Why invite people to eat at your restaurant if the food you're serving is terrible? Why work so hard to get viewers to tune in early if you're not going to put anything interesting on the show? Raw is a mess. There's very little happening to keep me interested, and sitting through this program (even with the benefit of DVR) is becoming laborious.
8:41PM - DVR ENGAGE!
Segment 1 - First, it must be said. What in the blue hell is up with this voice-over guy? Am I watching a special two-part episode of "A-Team"? I declare this DUMB. Somehow, they also sneak in a backstage segment in which, out of the blue, The Miz quits Team Punk. I guess that technically makes this Something! We are not off to a good start. Opening match is CarSterio & R-Truth v. Antonio Cesaro & Prime Time Players. Truth translating "get got" into various foreign languages makes for a solid Tout.
Segment 2 - Sin Cara not looking very crisp tonight. Meanwhile, Titus O'Neil looks great. R-Truth debuts a suplex into a stunner that looked cool. He pins Cesaro, presumably to set up a U.S. Title match at Survivor Series. Looks like the hostilities between the tag teams aren't over either. Story lines are advancing, so I must declare this segment Something!
Segment 3 - The King returns next Monday. You can hate on WWE for promoting it, but television is a business, November is probably the most crucial month for ratings and Lawler's return is something viewers will want to see. We are now into the weekly 8:30 p.m. "Monday Night Football Killer" segment. Here's Vicki to discuss the Cena/AJ SCANDAL. "Hanky panky is not allowed." Here's John Cena. This is a good time to point out that Raw is in Birmingham, England tonight. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" -England. Vicki unveils new surveillance video! It probably wouldn't stand up in court, but fans already decided last week that Cena's guilty, so this whole exercise is pretty pointless. England hates Cena, but they love AJ. She shows up on the tron to threaten Vicki. Dolph slides in to hit on her. Cena scurries away, once again metaphorically jobbing to Vicki. Evil laugh for the win! It was busy, but in the end this was Nothing.
Segment 4 - England loves Wade Barrett. He joins Team Punk, telling Heyman, "You owe me, and I want that in writing." Pretty vague for a binding contract, I think. Something! Daniel Bryan gets probably the loudest ovation of the night for his entrance. This man is WWE's top star. Too bad he's stuck in a tag team with no end in sight. There's a short match with Cody Rhodes, which Rhodes wins with a little interference from Damien Sandow. That was...brief. Cody's gimmick continues to be that he is a complete moron, because he accidentally makes a match for his tag team partner...
Segment 5 - Kane vs. Damien Sandow. Bryan and Rhodes get ejected. Kane eviscerates Sandow. Pretty lame week for Team Friendship. Nothing.
Segment 6 - Time to explain yourself, Brad Maddox. I appreciate him coming out in street clothes. I was worried he'd still be in a referee's shirt. Maddox does a very good job here on the microphone. There are plenty of guys with a lot more experience who've blown similar opportunities. Maddox did not blow his shot here. In fact, he was pretty damn good. He says he wasn't working for Punk and Heyman when he screwed Ryback. He really wants to be a WWE superstar. He worked so hard for a developmental contract. "You can't wrestle!" -England. Jerks. Maddox was told he'd never make it, but he wouldn't quit and became a referee. He knew he just needed one chance to make an impact. Now, he's famous. Can't argue with any of this. I like the direction WWE took this, and as I said, Maddox did a real good job. He says he wants a contract and a match with Ryback. He then caps things off with the potentially embryonic catchphrase, "Thank youuuuu." Vince McMahon comes out. Says he thinks Maddox is lying. He also says he'll give him a $1 million contract if he beats Ryback next week. Enter Vicki. Vince second guesses just about every decision she's made as Interim Managing General Whatever. Is he rebooking Survivor Series on the fly? We're now getting CM Punk vs. Ryback vs. (whisper) John Cena for the WWE Championship. "Disarray" is the word Cole chooses to describe all this. I think that's pretty accurate. Something!
Segment 7/8 - The Miz gets a decent showing against Sheamus, but eventually is beaten by the Brogue Kick. Big Show's guest commentary was a pleasant distraction, as he threatened to punch out Cole and gave a lesson on big man/little man psychology in professional wrestling. Backstage, the Survivor Series heel team is rebranded Team Ziggler, and the WWE Champion is seen for the first time tonight. It's 9:30 p.m. Vince makes Punk/Dolph vs. Cena/Ryback for tonight's main event. A little Nothing (for Segment 7), a little Something! (for Segment 8)
Segment 9 - Fandangoo? Alrighty. Nothing.
Segment 10 - Divas. FF cityyyyyyyy. Nothing but pretty girls.
9:53PM - WE ARE LIVE!
Segment 11 - Kofi vs. Del Rio. Orton distracts. Kofi rolls up ADR for the win. RKO after the match...just for fun. Nothing.
Segment 12 - Team CoBro vs. Primo & Epico. Cobra. Done. Nothing.
Segment 13 - Brodus Clay vs. Wade Barrett. KILL WADE! KILL! Souvenir. Swoon. Nothing.
Segment 14 - Time for 3MB, but Drew McIntyre is nowhere to be seen. Jinder Mahal is COMMITTED to the turban and leather combo, and I thank him for that. Slater uses the Impaler DDT to beat Jey Uso. It's dubbed the Smash Hit. "Thank you Birmingham!!!" Nothing.
Segment 15 - Punk talks. 351 days if you still care. Nothing.
Segment 16 - Main event time. Cena gets kicked around for a while. Finally tags Ryback, and it's DONE. Punk is pinned. England loves this. Cena and Ryback stare down to end the show. Guess who the crowd chooses? Nothing.
"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 5:11
Tonight's Raw is a perfect example of what's been going wrong since it expanded to three hours. No, it's not the three hours. It's the complete lack of eventful content past around the midway point of the show. I know WWE wants to hook people early, but what's the point if there's NOTHING worth staying for? Why invite people to eat at your restaurant if the food you're serving is terrible? Why work so hard to get viewers to tune in early if you're not going to put anything interesting on the show? Raw is a mess. There's very little happening to keep me interested, and sitting through this program (even with the benefit of DVR) is becoming laborious.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Me, My DVR & Raw (10/22/12)
In what may be a regular column, the author uses his DVR to condense WWE Raw into an efficient, digestible television program. Segments are graded simply, as "nothing" or "something". The more "something", the better for all of us.
Welcome to the last Raw before Hell In A Cell, a pay per view I think would be more accurately referred to as, "How Will WWE Get Itself Out Of This One?"
8:28PM - DVR ENGAGE!
Segment 1/2 - Getting straight to business. CarSterio v. Rhodes Scholars. Hardcore wrestling fans love this decision. Casual fans are checking to see if the debate has started. Teaming with Rey has done so much for Sin Cara. That springboard moonshot onto Sandow was a beauty. Love Sandow's style in the ring. Also, his break-up of the referee's count was brilliant. Cross Rhodes finishes. Handshake Into Cartwheel Celebration! That could be the spot of the night. Something! (x2)
Segment 3 - Matches! Nothing but matches! Kofi Kingston beats Michael McGillicutty. Miz and his six stitches are working guest commentary. Miz is generously looking out for Ryback ahead of his big match Sunday, and wants to call off their meeting later tonight. What a sportsman. Miz' self-aggrandizing is nearing Kim Jong-il levels. Nothing.
Segment 4 - Cena. He has no match Sunday. He has no point. He has no purpose on in this segment. I'm starting to think that that worst thing happening to Ryback right now is Cena singing his praises. Punk and Heyman come out, but do (you guessed it) nothing.
Segment 5 - Last week, Antonio Cessaro survived Justin Gabriel's 450 in a victory. In the rematch tonight THE CLOSER gets it done. I'm confused. Nothing.
Segment 6 - A monster of a segment, and the developments are quick and plentiful. Mr. McMahon and A.J. Lee are in the ring. The visual is immediately creepy. She's accused of fraternizing with someone on the roster and RESIGNS AS RAW G.M. The WWE brass didn't pick up this tendency in the background check? A.J. gives a lovely farewell address. "You guys accepted me." That's the power of the fans. Never forget it. Enter Heyman, to undercut peace talks between New York and New Jersey. I love Vince's facial expressions, especially when people are kissing up to him. Heyman wants the G.M. job. Vince says no. In fact, there is no G.M. for now. Instead, there's a managing supervisor of Raw. BUREAUCRACY! Vickie Guerrero gets the gig! The most heinous structure in WWE is not Hell In A Cell. It's the revolving door. Heyman instantly flips from kissing up to Vince, to kissing up to Vickie. In return, she makes a CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION lumberjack match between Punk and Sheamus for tonight's main event. Heyman nearly faints from the overbooking. Vickie turns to A.J. and starts spilling the dirt on the alleged fraternizing. AFFAIR! With who?! A.J. goes after Vickie. CAT FIGHT! This segment should get triple credit, but that would make things too complicated for me when dealing with the awful segments we get every week. Suffice it to say, SOMETHING!
Segment 7 - Ryback beats The Miz. Nothing.
Segment 8 - Eve is running down the possible A.J. affair suspects. "Primo of all people." Is nothing sacred in the WWE locker room? Kaitlyn sets Eve straight by tossing her into the snack table. Layla fails as peacekeeper. Sheamus peddles a stuffed toy. Nothing.
DVR paused while I make a quick run to McDonald's. I ask the drive-thru worker if they still have the Rolo McFlurry. She says yes. I order two. I even see my order correct on the screen. I receive two Oreo McFlurry. WTF?
Segment 9/10 - Daniel Bryan v. Dolph Ziggler. Fans say, "This is awesome!". Dolph connects with a Super X-Factor from the top rope. Kane starts a "Yes!" chant at the worst possible time and Ziggler gets the win. A fine match, but in the grand scheme...nothing.
Segment 11 - The Newly Tagged Game. This is your 10PM segment, and I do not have high hopes. Bryan's skills at turning total crap into entertainment is astonishing. Kane takes the absurdity to new levels, falsely confessing his love for puppies and rainbows. Rhodes Scholars refuse to take part in this. Thank God. "You're welcome" -Damien Sandow, who once again commits character suicide by wearing a t-shirt. Nothing.
Segment 12 - Big Show beats Kane with the KO Punch. Rhodes Scholars jump Bryan while Kane is knocked out. Sensible story telling! Backstage, Santino metaphorically jobs to Cena. Turns out Cena's the one A.J. allegedly had the affair with. Cena says it was just a BUSINESS DINNER! They hug. Crowd buzzes. Too soon? Something.
Segment 13 - Cena confronts Vince, who says there's INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE! Del Rio v. Ryder is FF cityyyyyyyy. Post-match, Cena drops in on Vickie's office. John is cramming a TON of investigation into an hour of television. The actions of a desperate man? Cena metaphorically jobs to Vickie in this backstage confrontation. Something!
Segment 14 - Dolph on A.J., "I always thought she was a good egg." Otherwise, your weekly worthless segment of nothing during the 10PM hour.
10:41PM - Even with the McDonald's run, I am caught up and WE ARE LIVE!
Segment 15/16 - CM Punk v. Sheamus in a champion vs. champion largest lumberjack match in Raw history. Big Show interferes. Hell, just about everyone interferes, but Big Show's interference is actually effective. Punk wins. Nothing.
"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 5:10 (Last Week - 8:7)
The match for the WWE Championship at Hell In A Cell remains intact. It's CM Punk vs. Ryback. It's Punk's 300+ day reign as champion vs. Ryback's undefeated streak. It's WWE's problem now, and all we have to do is watch.
Welcome to the last Raw before Hell In A Cell, a pay per view I think would be more accurately referred to as, "How Will WWE Get Itself Out Of This One?"
8:28PM - DVR ENGAGE!
Segment 1/2 - Getting straight to business. CarSterio v. Rhodes Scholars. Hardcore wrestling fans love this decision. Casual fans are checking to see if the debate has started. Teaming with Rey has done so much for Sin Cara. That springboard moonshot onto Sandow was a beauty. Love Sandow's style in the ring. Also, his break-up of the referee's count was brilliant. Cross Rhodes finishes. Handshake Into Cartwheel Celebration! That could be the spot of the night. Something! (x2)
Segment 3 - Matches! Nothing but matches! Kofi Kingston beats Michael McGillicutty. Miz and his six stitches are working guest commentary. Miz is generously looking out for Ryback ahead of his big match Sunday, and wants to call off their meeting later tonight. What a sportsman. Miz' self-aggrandizing is nearing Kim Jong-il levels. Nothing.
Segment 4 - Cena. He has no match Sunday. He has no point. He has no purpose on in this segment. I'm starting to think that that worst thing happening to Ryback right now is Cena singing his praises. Punk and Heyman come out, but do (you guessed it) nothing.
Segment 5 - Last week, Antonio Cessaro survived Justin Gabriel's 450 in a victory. In the rematch tonight THE CLOSER gets it done. I'm confused. Nothing.
Segment 6 - A monster of a segment, and the developments are quick and plentiful. Mr. McMahon and A.J. Lee are in the ring. The visual is immediately creepy. She's accused of fraternizing with someone on the roster and RESIGNS AS RAW G.M. The WWE brass didn't pick up this tendency in the background check? A.J. gives a lovely farewell address. "You guys accepted me." That's the power of the fans. Never forget it. Enter Heyman, to undercut peace talks between New York and New Jersey. I love Vince's facial expressions, especially when people are kissing up to him. Heyman wants the G.M. job. Vince says no. In fact, there is no G.M. for now. Instead, there's a managing supervisor of Raw. BUREAUCRACY! Vickie Guerrero gets the gig! The most heinous structure in WWE is not Hell In A Cell. It's the revolving door. Heyman instantly flips from kissing up to Vince, to kissing up to Vickie. In return, she makes a CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION lumberjack match between Punk and Sheamus for tonight's main event. Heyman nearly faints from the overbooking. Vickie turns to A.J. and starts spilling the dirt on the alleged fraternizing. AFFAIR! With who?! A.J. goes after Vickie. CAT FIGHT! This segment should get triple credit, but that would make things too complicated for me when dealing with the awful segments we get every week. Suffice it to say, SOMETHING!
Segment 7 - Ryback beats The Miz. Nothing.
Segment 8 - Eve is running down the possible A.J. affair suspects. "Primo of all people." Is nothing sacred in the WWE locker room? Kaitlyn sets Eve straight by tossing her into the snack table. Layla fails as peacekeeper. Sheamus peddles a stuffed toy. Nothing.
DVR paused while I make a quick run to McDonald's. I ask the drive-thru worker if they still have the Rolo McFlurry. She says yes. I order two. I even see my order correct on the screen. I receive two Oreo McFlurry. WTF?
Segment 9/10 - Daniel Bryan v. Dolph Ziggler. Fans say, "This is awesome!". Dolph connects with a Super X-Factor from the top rope. Kane starts a "Yes!" chant at the worst possible time and Ziggler gets the win. A fine match, but in the grand scheme...nothing.
Segment 11 - The Newly Tagged Game. This is your 10PM segment, and I do not have high hopes. Bryan's skills at turning total crap into entertainment is astonishing. Kane takes the absurdity to new levels, falsely confessing his love for puppies and rainbows. Rhodes Scholars refuse to take part in this. Thank God. "You're welcome" -Damien Sandow, who once again commits character suicide by wearing a t-shirt. Nothing.
Segment 12 - Big Show beats Kane with the KO Punch. Rhodes Scholars jump Bryan while Kane is knocked out. Sensible story telling! Backstage, Santino metaphorically jobs to Cena. Turns out Cena's the one A.J. allegedly had the affair with. Cena says it was just a BUSINESS DINNER! They hug. Crowd buzzes. Too soon? Something.
Segment 13 - Cena confronts Vince, who says there's INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE! Del Rio v. Ryder is FF cityyyyyyyy. Post-match, Cena drops in on Vickie's office. John is cramming a TON of investigation into an hour of television. The actions of a desperate man? Cena metaphorically jobs to Vickie in this backstage confrontation. Something!
Segment 14 - Dolph on A.J., "I always thought she was a good egg." Otherwise, your weekly worthless segment of nothing during the 10PM hour.
10:41PM - Even with the McDonald's run, I am caught up and WE ARE LIVE!
Segment 15/16 - CM Punk v. Sheamus in a champion vs. champion largest lumberjack match in Raw history. Big Show interferes. Hell, just about everyone interferes, but Big Show's interference is actually effective. Punk wins. Nothing.
"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 5:10 (Last Week - 8:7)
The match for the WWE Championship at Hell In A Cell remains intact. It's CM Punk vs. Ryback. It's Punk's 300+ day reign as champion vs. Ryback's undefeated streak. It's WWE's problem now, and all we have to do is watch.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Spare Thoughts: What If Ryback Wins?
Ryback is in the right place at the right time.
Due to the apparent lingering effects of John Cena's recent surgery, Ryback will be in the main event at the upcoming Hell In A Cell pay per view with a shot at winning the WWE Championship.
World Wrestling Entertainment is in quite a predicament. If the match goes on as scheduled, the powers that be in the company will have to choose between Ryback's undefeated streak and CM Punk's 300+ day reign as WWE Champion. If there's a third door, I don't see it right now.
As far as I'm concerned, the big question isn't "Will Ryback Win?" as much as it is "What happens next if Ryback wins?". You'd assume there would be the inevitable rematch with Punk, but what happens beyond that would be even more interesting, and perhaps problematic for WWE.
Royal Rumble is little more than three months away, on January 27, 2013. The Rock is scheduled to compete for the WWE Championship on that night. Ryback as WWE Champion, would be almost immediately on a collision course with The People's Champion.
If Ryback gets through Royal Rumble 2013 as WWE Champion, things get even more interesting. Now, he's in one of the top matches at WrestleMania XXIX, and I think I know who his opponent should be: Brock Lesnar.
This would do little to end the comparison between Ryback and Goldberg, but it seems to be the most logical outcome for Ryback's reign as WWE Champion. Lesnar's expiring contract makes him perfect cannon-fodder for someone who could become a main event performer for years.
One nice thing about a Ryback v. Rock match at Royal Rumble 2013 is the fact that it frees up other headliners to be in the Royal Rumble match itself. The list of competitors would be star-studded: John Cena, CM Punk, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. Add in Lesnar and perhaps even The Undertaker and you have the makings of something special. Then, have Lesnar win.
Have him eliminate Cena to polish the one blemish on his record since his return to WWE. I think Lesnar would be as feared as ever, and a worthy opponent for the undefeated Ryback. The top of the WrestleMania XXIX card would look just fine with CM Punk vs. The Rock and John Cena vs. The Undertaker as the other headlining matches.
Like I said, WWE has put itself in a tough spot going into Hell In A Cell. If those in charge do pull the trigger on a championship reign for Ryback, they'd had better understand where that decision could lead.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Me, My DVR & Raw (10/15/12)
In what may be a regular column, the author uses his DVR to condense WWE Raw into an efficient, digestible television program. Segments are graded simply, as "nothing" or "something". The more "something", the better for all of us.
10:10 p.m. - Late start tonight. DVR ENGAGE!
Segment 1 - Big Show opens Raw. He's really good here, working himself into a lather over Sheamus, and tweets from fans. "None of you are Irish! Don't tweet me 'Fella'!" I am baffled, until he calls out Daniel Bryan. The viewer is then subjected to potentially the most pointless, unnecessary, heat-killing backstage segment in history. Somehow Bryan makes it work, presumably because he's awesome. Something!
Segment 2 - Big Show choke slams Daniel Bryan for the win. Kane saves his partner from further damage. Then, they argue. Crowd is crazy for just about all of this. Something!
Segment 3 - It's nothing but all-stars at the top of Raw tonight. Paul Heyman and CM Punk tease the audience, but reveal nothing. Vince McMahon enters to make the bait and switch official. HIAC opponent will be announced at the end of the show. Nothing.
Segment 4 - Alberto Del Rio without his entrance. What's the point? Match against Brodus Clay is FF city. Backstage, Punk asks Heyman who Vince McMahon thinks he is. Paul replies, "He thinks he's Vince McMahon." Fact! Nothing.
Segment 5 - Prime Time Players beat CoBro. Post-match attack by EnCorre! Or is it The Band? Heath Slater dubs himself, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre "3MB". Jinder's turban and leather jacket combo is better than anyone expected. Nothing.
Segment 6 - Dolph Ziggler. David Otunga...for some reason. Here's Ryback to kill them both. Dolph wisely leaves. Otunga...for THAT reason. Nothing.
Segment 7 - "Antonio Cessaro doesn't need United States of America. United States of America need Antonio Cessaro." Swoon. JR coins the term "zebra manipulation". Antonio somehow survives Justin Gabriel's 450, and kills him dead with Super Euro Uppercut and THE NEUTRALIZER! Last week, I FF'd. This week, I couldn't. You've won my heart, Antonio Cessaro. This is the U.S. Title reign you've all been begging for. Something!
Segment 8 - Kane eviscerates Matt Striker. Then, he conducts a post-match interview with Striker's unconscious body. You win, Big Red. Something!
Segment 9 - Miz TV with Korporate Kofi. Miz is really good here running down Kingston. Secondary champions! Something!
Segment 10/11 - Sheamus v. Wade Barrett: The Rematch. Barrett's awesome spot with the steel steps from last week is countered this week by Sheamus. Barrett jaws at JR at the announce position. Ross is out of his coma and gushing over Barrett the rest of the way, "You talk about being in destroy mode. He's there." DQ finish is no big deal. These two guys were made for one another. Get them on PPV ASAP! Something!
Segment 12 - Eve v. Layla. FF cityyyyyy. Nothing but pretty girls.
Segment 13 - Your weekly zero action segment. Nothing.
Segment 14 - 3MB hit the town in Nashville. Rhodes Scholars beat Primo and Epico because Rey Mysterio is ill. Nothing.
Segment 15 - Kofi and Miz have a pretty good match that ends in a thunderous Trouble In Paradise that appeared to legitimately knock out The Miz. Absolutely clobbered. Sucks for Miz, but crowd loved the finish. Something!
Segment 16 - Punk and Vince in the same ring are magical. John Cena tries to ruin the main event segment, but fails. Vince chooses Ryback. Something!
12:12 a.m. - DVR viewing COMPLETE!
"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 8:7
Certainly felt like one of the more eventful episodes of Raw in some time, but you have to be a bit concerned about the string of worthless segments in the third hour. This Raw had a different feel. Not sure if it's just me, or the result of the creative shake-up that made news last week.
10:10 p.m. - Late start tonight. DVR ENGAGE!
Segment 1 - Big Show opens Raw. He's really good here, working himself into a lather over Sheamus, and tweets from fans. "None of you are Irish! Don't tweet me 'Fella'!" I am baffled, until he calls out Daniel Bryan. The viewer is then subjected to potentially the most pointless, unnecessary, heat-killing backstage segment in history. Somehow Bryan makes it work, presumably because he's awesome. Something!
Segment 2 - Big Show choke slams Daniel Bryan for the win. Kane saves his partner from further damage. Then, they argue. Crowd is crazy for just about all of this. Something!
Segment 3 - It's nothing but all-stars at the top of Raw tonight. Paul Heyman and CM Punk tease the audience, but reveal nothing. Vince McMahon enters to make the bait and switch official. HIAC opponent will be announced at the end of the show. Nothing.
Segment 4 - Alberto Del Rio without his entrance. What's the point? Match against Brodus Clay is FF city. Backstage, Punk asks Heyman who Vince McMahon thinks he is. Paul replies, "He thinks he's Vince McMahon." Fact! Nothing.
Segment 5 - Prime Time Players beat CoBro. Post-match attack by EnCorre! Or is it The Band? Heath Slater dubs himself, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre "3MB". Jinder's turban and leather jacket combo is better than anyone expected. Nothing.
Segment 6 - Dolph Ziggler. David Otunga...for some reason. Here's Ryback to kill them both. Dolph wisely leaves. Otunga...for THAT reason. Nothing.
Segment 7 - "Antonio Cessaro doesn't need United States of America. United States of America need Antonio Cessaro." Swoon. JR coins the term "zebra manipulation". Antonio somehow survives Justin Gabriel's 450, and kills him dead with Super Euro Uppercut and THE NEUTRALIZER! Last week, I FF'd. This week, I couldn't. You've won my heart, Antonio Cessaro. This is the U.S. Title reign you've all been begging for. Something!
Segment 8 - Kane eviscerates Matt Striker. Then, he conducts a post-match interview with Striker's unconscious body. You win, Big Red. Something!
Segment 9 - Miz TV with Korporate Kofi. Miz is really good here running down Kingston. Secondary champions! Something!
Segment 10/11 - Sheamus v. Wade Barrett: The Rematch. Barrett's awesome spot with the steel steps from last week is countered this week by Sheamus. Barrett jaws at JR at the announce position. Ross is out of his coma and gushing over Barrett the rest of the way, "You talk about being in destroy mode. He's there." DQ finish is no big deal. These two guys were made for one another. Get them on PPV ASAP! Something!
Segment 12 - Eve v. Layla. FF cityyyyyy. Nothing but pretty girls.
Segment 13 - Your weekly zero action segment. Nothing.
Segment 14 - 3MB hit the town in Nashville. Rhodes Scholars beat Primo and Epico because Rey Mysterio is ill. Nothing.
Segment 15 - Kofi and Miz have a pretty good match that ends in a thunderous Trouble In Paradise that appeared to legitimately knock out The Miz. Absolutely clobbered. Sucks for Miz, but crowd loved the finish. Something!
Segment 16 - Punk and Vince in the same ring are magical. John Cena tries to ruin the main event segment, but fails. Vince chooses Ryback. Something!
12:12 a.m. - DVR viewing COMPLETE!
"SOMETHING" TO "NOTHING" RATIO: 8:7
Certainly felt like one of the more eventful episodes of Raw in some time, but you have to be a bit concerned about the string of worthless segments in the third hour. This Raw had a different feel. Not sure if it's just me, or the result of the creative shake-up that made news last week.
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